Ending Domestic and Sexual Abuse in Mississippi

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High quality, 100% cotton t-shirt with Mama’s Brand New Bag fun logo on the back and a small logo on the front. Show your support, All proceeds got to S.A.F.E. You can also buy tickets for event at this site. click on the shirt and go!

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by Susan Naron

Counselor for S.A.F.E., Inc.

During an initial session with clients, I always educate them about the four types of abuse: emotional, psychological, sexual, and physical.  Most are surprised when I define sexual abuse/harassment as being something that was said to them in a sexual nature that they don’t feel comfortable hearing (such as telling dirty jokes, name calling, making comments about one’s body and/or sexual history), any touch that they do not enjoy (i.e. grabbing, pinching, and/or being forced to perform any specific sexual act that one does not wish to do), or something that they were made to look at that gave them an uneasy feeling (which includes but is not limited to: pornographic movies, nude pictures, and even obscene gestures).  Most women confess that they did not know this was a form of abuse, especially if they were married.  The truth is; if someone does something to make you uncomfortable, then it’s not okay!

Leading from this topic, we define marital rape.  According to Webster’s Dictionary, “rape is 1. the act of seizing and carrying off by force 2. the act of forcing an individual to have sexual intercourse.” It is explained to them that even though they are married, they still have the choice to say no to sex.   They are also told that getting married does not make the wife her husband’s property.  Many clients admit that their abusers have used sulking behavior to manipulate them or anger to pressure them into having sex.  Marital rape, like other forms of abuse, does not discriminate.  It occurs in all races, ages, educational backgrounds and economic classes.  The effects of marital rape to the victim/survivor can be devastating, but can be overcome.  Following is a success story that I would like to share with you:

During Jane’s initial session, she disclosed that her husband had held her hostage in their own home.  She explained that he bolted most windows and all of the doors closed, cut her phone lines, and then made threats to kill her and then himself.  While she was hostage, her husband used a weapon against her, forcing her to perform sexual acts.   Jane commented that when he fell asleep, she was able to escape out of a window and call the police from her neighbor’s home.

Jane stated that as a result of this trauma, she had just been existing, but not living.  She lost her job due to all the phone calls pertaining to the incident and became faced with economic hardship.  She admitted that through the course of her marriage, she has lost her own identity and wasn’t certain what to do next.

During the first few months of counseling, she admitted to making poor choices about her recent dating relationships and coping skills.  Several months later, Jane began to realize that no man or no chemical substance could change her circumstances.  It was at this time, she decided to work on herself and face her situation, instead of just hoping that it would go away on its own.

Now, Jane has found employment with excellent benefits and no longer struggles financially.  She also has come to realize that she does not need a relationship in order to be successful and she can face her feelings without having to numb them.  She has begun implementing stress reducing techniques into her daily routine and has increased her positive external support system.  She has finally come to heal from this event and she’s realized that something great came as a result of the tragic situation; she found herself and has developed a healthier lifestyle and coping techniques to sustain her.  Jane also understands that she has the right to live a life free of sexual abuse and how she can achieve that goal.

I am the mother for two daughters, a 6 year old and a 7 month old, and I am

a survivor of domestic abuse. After being attacked, I had a choice to make:

either stay and keep myself and my children in danger or leave.  Believe it or

not, the more difficult decision was to leave. I came to S.A.F.E. so that my

children and I would be safe. I knew that I had to leave, but if it were not for

S.A.F.E., my children and I would have had no where to go.

When I first came to S.A.F.E.. I was in shock, and through the individual

counseling and support group, I have worked through all of the shock, hurt,

fear, embarrassment, and grief that comes with domestic abuse. I have been

able to get a good job; and my children have been going to day care that is

provided by the excellent staff at S.A.F.E. As any mother would tell you,

knowing that your children are in a caring and kind environment means that

while you are at work, you can breathe a sign of relief. My 6 year old has

been able to participate in summer activities, such as a camp at the Oren

Dunn Museum and Tupelo Community Theater summer camp where she

had the opportunity to be in a play at the end of the camp. I am so grateful

for everyone at S.A.F.E. With their help, their resources, and support, my

children and I now have a hope and a future.

www.mamasnewbag.org

Our amazing volunteers are at it again!

Mama’s Got A Brand New Bag is a designer purse auction that benefits S.A.F.E., Inc.

This is their third year and the past event have been well attended and enjoyed by all.

You can find out all the details at their website or click on this picture and join them on facebook!

Letter from a Former Client

I would like to take a moment to express to each of you what a blessing you have been to both my child and me. Each of you in your own way made us feel safe, special and worthy of our freedom. Just to know so many people care and truly believe that I’m worthy of a healthy life was wonderful. You showed me that I was once a victim but you all gave me the tools I needed to never be a victim again, and knowledge to free my soul and become a believer and a survivor.
You gave us a safe haven, a time to reflect and hear God’s word. You gave me the tools to become a better mother; to know how to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships which in turn affects my child’s life.
Thank you for the warm bed, the kind words, the support and structure, the Mickey Mouse party, the warm smiles and all the special thoughts of clothing and supplies and the cooler for a safe and comfortable trip. You each have a very unique and special gift. My child and I were truly blessed to have arrived when we did. We came to the shelter when there were no other clients and the staff could give us all the attention we needed.
And I believe it was God’s timing for us.
I am now on the road to recovery, please, keep us in your prayers so that I can stay on this road. I hope someday to be a testimony to someone else.
Letter from a Former Client